Are You a People-Pleaser?

By Marianne Renner, Leadership Coach, Author, Keynote Speaker

You probably already know if you’re a people pleaser. You don’t need me to tell you.

But just for the record, if you answer yes to any of the following questions, there’s a good chance you have the disease to please:

Signs of people pleasing.

1 You agree to take on tasks even when you don’t want to, or your plate already is too full.

2 You refrain from sharing your opinion when it differs from those around you because you’re afraid someone will be upset with you.

3 You have a concern about a project but don’t share it even when your leader asks if anyone has questions or concerns.

4 You avoid holding difficult conversations, or you soften the message out of concern of hurting others’ feelings.

5 You ruminate for days over a past conversation, wondering if someone is upset with you.

If you identify with these statements, you could be a people pleaser.

People pleasers are tough to spot in the workplace because they’re often considered to be team players, high performers, and the kind of people who get things done.

But there’s a difference between people pleasers and true high performers.

Those who are the best team players and highest performers know how to disagree respectfully for the greater good of the organization, team, or project. They know how to hold difficult conversations that are both kind and direct.

Characteristics like kindness, consideration and empathy are strengths in the workplace.

The problem arises when your need to keep others happy overrides good decision-making or your ability to communicate important messages.

Drawbacks in the workplace.

If you’re afraid of being criticized, your greatest and most creative ideas may never see the light of day. Your team and organization suffer the loss of innovative ideas.

If you’re afraid to say no when you’re overwhelmed, you’re at risk of experiencing burnout. As a result, your team will have to pick up the pieces.

If you’re worried about hurting someone’s feelings, you might be enabling a culture that lacks accountability.

If you say yes to everything and everyone, you may lose credibility as a leader. People respect strong leaders who know how to express themselves and their ideas.

3 things you can do to break the people-pleasing habit.

1 Pause. Take a moment before responding to any request. Ask yourself what you REALLY want to say.

2 Consider. Think through your response. Consider how you might respond in a way that is both honest and kind.

3 Communicate. Share your thoughts clearly. Choose words and tone that are both respectful and direct.

It won’t take long before you see surprising results. You’ll become the leader who earns the highest respect.